Taking Steps Outside The Comfort Zone

I am making a new video for my Patreon. I signed up for Patreon a while ago but never did anything to it. I didn’t know what I could really offer on the site. Now… I am thinking about posting alternate versions of music videos I create, starting with my last video (film) Lincoln Drive. I’m really excited yet nervous about this introduction video. It’s about 2 minutes long but it only features me and my abstract art. I made a design script for it and right now it looks shockingly incredible. I am in the video but it’s an abstract version of me. I recorded footage in my kitchen. Now… if I had an art studio, maybe I wouldn’t have made this an abstract art introduction video and just posted the original. The original is fine but it doesn’t look good. I mean… it’s shot inside of a kitchen. I thought the best way to elevate the video is to make an abstract interpretation which would better represent my work. Plus… I really don’t like how I look so it’s all a win/win. I’m testing out 1000 frames again and already notice a big difference. So… I think for every minute of footage, I have to use 1000 frames. Design scripting and video editing is an interesting challenge for me. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don’t… It’s all a part of the process. I think the video is going to look amazing when it’s finished.

Honestly… All of this is stepping a bit too far out of my comfort zone. I really don’t like to promote my work and I hate being in videos. It always seems take a negative turn. At this point, I don’t know what else to do to make this a full time endeavor. I have to get back out there again. I wish the saying was true “If you build it, they will come.” That can’t be any further from the truth. But… I made a promise to myself that I am going to do what I can to make this a full time career this year. So, if I get lots of rejections and laughs from people then that’s what has to happen, I guess… Makes me feel sick thinking about it and everything I’ve done so far and I’m already feeling very sick at the moment. I’ve been sick for a couple of weeks now. I do think I’m getting slightly better after throwing up again this morning. I know I’m going through a seriously depressive point in my life but strangely I’m doing more creatively. I feel like I’m running out of time and I know I said this before but every passing day I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to the end. I’ve been stuck at dead end jobs all of my life so if I don’t change things now, I’ll be stuck for more years to come. And in saying that… I finally had a chance to get the funds needed to get my passport. It left me dead broke afterwards but now is the time. It’s one step closer towards Paris. Even if the travel series fails… If I fall deeper in depression and everything else goes wrong then I can at least say I made that dream come true. I’ve been wanting to visit Paris for 15 years now. I don’t know how I can get the funds needed to afford the trip but I’m focusing on one problem at a time.

Thinking positively… Besides being very sick at the moment, maybe this might be my best year in a long time. Maybe I’ll have a chance to make a couple of music videos for musicians, make a couple of travel series films, and go to either Chicago or Paris, perhaps both! Hey… anything can happen at any time. I do hope I don’t get sick like this again any time soon. I haven’t vomited this much in a very long time. To end this strange post on a positive note… I should be done the video sometime next week. I will post it here. It would be nice to finish on Valentine’s Day. A sweet gift to myself. I’ll be my own valentine. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.