View the finished design of Red Eye Fork![sociallocker id=2934] Click here view the full version of Red Eye Fork! [/sociallocker] You can view Red Eye Fork and if you like the design, you can download it to view at your leisure. However, you can’t sell my art, claim it as your own art, or remove my copyright. [line]
Today wasn’t a good day. I had a lot of stuff to do and I knew this was going to be another day where I’m close to deadline again. I also received some information that honestly had me scream for a few seconds.
Mid day I came to the realization that what I do means nothing here. I know I had similar thoughts in the past but today I felt it hit me. All this time, I’ve been trying to figure out the missing piece on why things are the way they are. I often listen to motivational videos. One thing that is consistent is that many people found a way to translate their talents to help others. I don’t think my work with color means anything to anyone. It doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t do anything. It has no impact. I work with an old program. Most of my stuff looks odd and probably outdated.
Sadly this design is nothing more than a rough outline. I spent less than 2 hours making this design and it probably shows. I like to spend 2 hours minimum on designs. It gives me a chance to test out different effects and textures. I was doing other work and I had to stop in order to stay on track with this design challenge. I called this Red Eye Fork because I was crying all throughout making this design and I used a fork. I definitely wanted to make red prominent in the design as well. I had one song on repeat as well that probably didn’t help my mood. I’m going to feature the song in the music video.
For a while, I’ve been trying to find a way to do this full time. Try to make some income. Now, it seems like a waste of time to do that. I’ve tried hard to improve my work with color. Keep testing myself with new blends and try to see things differently. I don’t want any of my designs to look exactly the same even if I’m working with the same colors. In order to make a living, I feel I have to change. I don’t want to change my approach to color. Even if I work with outdated software and what I make looks bad.
Realistically… I don’t think I’ll ever make a living off of my art. I’ve tried for quite some time and I failed miserably. It could take years to make sales. I don’t want to rely on sales to make my art. I just want to focus on color. I rather not worry about the money. It’s about the journey. If I didn’t have color in my life right now, I wouldn’t have any hope that good things can happen in the future.
What’s upsetting me is that I want to make good designs every day of the week. Life gets in the way. I don’t have any doubts on how much I love color. I have doubts that I’m credible artist in this world. Maybe my love for color will never be enough. I have to find a way to continue this journey and not worry about the money anymore. Money is a real problem for me right now. I also have to banish the doubts and insecurities of my work. Somehow, I have to keep moving forward. Even if it doesn’t have real value to anyone, it has value to me. Sometimes I feel my own feelings have no value but that’s decades of self destruction talking. I have to let go of all that somehow. Color helps me but times are very hard right now. I’ve been self destructive for as long as I can remember. It’s probably the only thing I can do well. Scratch that… if I did that well then I wouldn’t be writing this blog post. I would be long gone by now. Probably drinking ice coffee with my dad in a magical place filled with color. :/
Despite this post being very morbid, I will keep going. I have to prove to myself that I can finish this challenge!
If you’re an artist, join me on this exciting challenge. Post a link to your art in the comments below. Also, you can join my community on Google Plus and you share your art there as well![line]
If you like to support my work, you can buy an art print of Red Eye Fork here. You can also share this page with your friends and family. I am forever grateful to anyone that visits this website. ♥ Katherine…
- Time to create: 1+ Hours
- Tools: Pencil, Fork, and Paintshop Pro
- Song in video: Haven’t made music video yet.
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