I’m about an hour away in making a new design for my travel series. Feel like writing…
Sometimes I look back at a design and think, “What in the world is this mess?”.
Sometimes I look back and wonder, what if there was a way to live in this reality? Where anything I could transform throughout nature could be real in some way.
After I made The Gazela, the design reminded me of the feelings I had while walking on Pier 70. It felt almost magical. I was finally on the road in becoming part of color. Taking charge of my destiny with this travel series. I felt like crying while staring at the Delaware River. The only difference now is that I can picture the area appearing exactly like my design. If it could be real in some way, it would heighten the experience to an infinite degree.
After I made the Liberty Bell, so many doubts plagued me. Is this really art? Did I challenge myself with this design? Is loving color enough for anything I do to be considered art?
Every day I’m trying hard to push away these doubts but they continue to haunt me. It’s a never ending theme in my journey.
I think about the vivid imagery of my body spinning in endless hues of color. My connection with color is every design I create. I crave the moments where I hit sweet spots when making new designs.
I mentioned in the past that I often watch motivational videos. I had this video on repeat for a while. Money has always been the biggest barrier for me. This year, I told myself that it wasn’t going to be a barrier anymore. I was going to work on my dream and not let money stop me. I have to get over certain fears and insecurities but I am determined to embrace my love affair with color. I haven’t completed my travel series yet but the first part has meant so much to me. I felt it… For the first time ever. Color is who I am. It’s a part of me and the struggles test my resolve to make this work. There have been many.
The sweetest part about this is Paris. It always makes me smile to think of the dreams I’ve had. If I keep going, keep working hard, I can make it to Paris. To reach Paris would feel so sweet to me. A saccharine dream finally turned into reality.
I’m writing this to release the pain and doubt I feel right now. Years ago, I use to write out my pain and frustrations. It would help me move forward. I am going to move forward and work on my next design. Hopefully, I can finish tonight. I am willing to work all night if necessary.