This design means something special to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about my work. I would love to have what I do mean something. Times are desperate and I wish what I’m doing here had some type of value. My love for color is essentially meaningless in this reality. It’s very hard to face that fact. For years, I’ve had jobs that meant nothing to me. I’ve been treated horribly… it’s been rough. Now, I’m doing something I love to do and means nothing. Strange… At this point in my life, I’m truly tired of the constant struggle. It’s all I know. Whenever I feel sweetness in color, I know this is the path I’m meant to be on. I wish it was a path that could help me survive in this world. I have no idea how long it will take. There are no guarantees. I’ve been doing this for years and nothing. So many setbacks, so many challenges along the way.

I’m going to apply to as many contests as possible to try to make something work. I doubt it will but time is running out. That’s the main reason for the title. Desperation…

I originally made this design for an online gallery contest. I’m not 100 percent happy with it so I don’t think I’m going to submit this design for the contest.

I wasn’t able to make a music video for this design. The memory on my computer, brand new I might add, is awful. Ever since I updated this computer to Windows 8.1 I’ve been having serious memory problems. The video is over 5 minutes. The computer refuses to finish recording the video. I had to wait over an hour for the computer to tell me it couldn’t finish! So I wasn’t going to waste another hour. It’s a lesson learned that I won’t be doing any videos close to 5 minutes. I can’t believe a new computer is giving me so many problems. I had to wait over 2 years to buy a new computer. My luck… just not good.

This is actually my longest design in a long time. I was going to cut the video length to make something but I didn’t want to cut too much off the design. I would have to cut over an hour to get it around 4 minutes. I’m not going to scrap this design because I invested so much time into it. I do hope you enjoy the design.

I am including this design as part of the challenge because even though I don’t have a video, I still made a design. I hope to make another video over the weekend.

Tools: Pencil and Paintshop Pro
Design time: 6+ hours

January 2019 Update: The feature image shows the full art design for Desperation. Thanks for visiting B83!

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