Today is my birthday. I’ve been thinking a lot about this website and my work with color. I wanted to come back sooner but a lot has happened since the last blog post. To make it short but not sweet. I ran into a big problem with my wrist. Someone completely smashed my car windshield. I was forced to take off from work which made me lose any time I could take off for my birthday along with hundreds of dollars with medical and car bills. I also went into a few mental breakdowns because of work. I didn’t handle it the best way which is a completely different story for another blog. But… here I am thinking about the future. Here’s the dilemma I have. I don’t know if what I do will ever be enough to be successful in this reality. However, the best moments I had this year was following my dreams. Going to Hartford and Cape May was simply magical.
I had a moment recently when I thought nothing I what I do has no real value and I’m essentially meaningless. What if this is all a joke to everyone else. It’s been a cycle of feeling this way for many years. I want to move forward.
I want to leave my current circumstance. I want to live off the dream. There’s a huge part of me that believes it will never happen. Random events happen that change everything. It’s hard to recover. It’s hard to keep moving forward. I have to keep going. Despite setbacks, I have to keep going. So I’m back after a few months. I want to make some huge changes to this website and my work. I want to focus on building an exclusive library of my work. I want to build a different reality based on color and nature. I made a design recently and at the end I thought this is my true love. I have to build this. I must. I have to stay focus.
Well… My recent design is called Lighthouse. I will post previews here soon. Full videos will be available for B83 exclusive members. Once I finish the new membership site, I will post everything. I will be changing the shop around quite a bit as well. I want to focus on my artwork and music videos. I will post t-shirts periodically featuring designs. I will keep my shops open at zazzle and society6. Big changes but I’m not going to remove anything. Despite everything that has happened, there have been positive changes that I am very grateful for.
This year my birthday wish to become one with the dream. To be in Paris on my next birthday standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. It will happen. I have to keep fighting for this.