Delusion…

I’ve been listening to Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode a lot recently. I knew about Depeche Mode but I wasn’t a big fan at first. I only heard two songs from them until recently. One was called Dream On and I loved it. The other song I didn’t like and I never explored more songs. I was making a design and made a new playlist on Pandora called 80’s New Wave. I already had 80’s Rock on Pandora. I wanted to listen to more Synth and 80’s New Wave is one of my favorite genre’s ever. It started playing a lot of Depeche Mode. I started loving this band while discovering new songs. It was awesome. I’ve been stuck on Enjoy the Silence since I heard it on the station. I’m surprised I never heard of it until now.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my work especially recently.  Today I think it kind of hit me. I have no formal training with art. I see other videos and I see such a huge difference. Now, I understand.  I received quite a few criticisms and rejections. Contests, video submissions, and group submissions…. I took a step back and realized my love of color is so strong that I thought it would be enough to be considered art. Playing with color feels like being a journey leading to an unknown destination. Perhaps I am wrong. Been delusional from the beginning?

I did a search on youtube for speed art and I am astounded. I am way over my league. I see it now. I see why people don’t like it. I see why people I know don’t like it. I remember someone from my former job told me that I should go back to school and learn how to draw. Without a glance at my work. Maybe if he did, it would only solidify his feelings.

In this reality, I have a feeling that my work is horrible. However, I still feel sweetness whenever I work with color and that’s enough for me. I have more personal feelings about the subject but I won’t go into it here.

I’m taking the rest of the month off from making new work. I’ll be back.

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