I really love color. I love going on the journey in finding the right blends. I wish this journey had greater significance in this world. Throughout the last four months, I didn’t make any designs. I missed it terribly. Now, I regret that I left color for that long. I haven’t smiled so much in the last four months. I haven’t felt so good. I know in my heart, discovering color is my path. I wish things were different in my life so I can dedicate my soul to color 100 percent. When I add music to my videos it connects everything. I feel part of the beats. Sometimes when I look back at the previous videos, I lose myself to color and music.
I know it may look like a program and a simple speed run but it’s a journey that means everything to me. It’s my true happiness. In a time where life feels desperate and lonely, I lean on color and it helps me. I can escape and feel happy.
I’m just one person. Deep down, I don’t think I’m a real artist. I can’t draw intricate portraits. I draw simple pencil sketches and play with them in an old program. Nothing that stands out… I wish I was a better artist. I wish I was a better person overall. I do love what I do with my art. It’s enough for me. I wish it was enough to survive in this world. Maybe in another five to ten years. Maybe when I’m old. Maybe never… At the end of the day, I always feel heartbroken. I wish I was more than what I am now. I continue to push myself with color but it’s never enough.
I put everything into my videos and making my art. I still remember when I had food poison and I was feeling pain every second. I made a design during that time and it made me feel good, even if it was for a brief moment. If I can make a design experiencing extricating pain that I never felt before, I can make a design any time. Every day for eternity…. That would be my heaven.
I will love color forever.