Strikeout

Well… I’ve contemplated this decision after an e-mail I read today. Faith and love can only get your so far. I love what I do here but it’s never enough. I devoted many hours to it. I wish someone believed in my work to help me. When it comes down to it, it’s all about money. If no one buys my work then I have to figure out other ways to survive. When I think about that, I remember the job that I quit. For six years, I was treated like trash. I left because I was sick of it. Crying all the time from stress, nasty customers and management. Now, if I want to survive I have to find another job that’s similar to keep living. Is this what life is about? One crap job to the next? The jobs that I want I don’t get. My love for color just isn’t enough. How many more years does it have to be this way? I’m already 30. It’s only going to go downhill from this point if I don’t have it together by now. It’s pathetic… For a while, I held onto art because it was my only happiness. Now I don’t have that anymore. Too many mistakes that I can’t fix. That I’m dying to fix. Well… you’re probably sick of hearing this. I’m sick of it myself.

I’m not paying the bill to renew this website next month. I can’t keep wasting money I don’t have to a dream that’s only inside my head and not in this reality. This website and everything else I’ve been doing was a waste. I am a waste. That’s all I have to say.

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